Sorting Through My Current Blogging Confusion

When I first started blogging, way back with this very first post (look at how sweet my little Garrett is!), I had no idea I would still be doing it five and a half years later.

Bighorn Mountain Mama was initially a way to share photos of the kids with our parents and family who live far from us, and also a way for me to navel gaze now and then: a true online journal (“blog” started as “web log,” I think).

Then, when I began to write about my depression, it changed. More and more people started looking at my blog, including some I didn’t even know. This was BIG. (It still feels big, actually!) I was so excited about my growing audience; I felt I had found my “niche.” I took a blogging course, from a woman I admire greatly.

And then I got confused.

It didn’t feel right to be sharing the small, intimate family stories and photos with people I didn’t really know. Plus, those posts felt boring to put out there – I felt like I needed to have a message. But after a while I didn’t feel inspired to write much about depression, because I was feeling better. On the dark days, I had something to share. But on the better days, I just wasn’t sure.

A friend once told me that my “schtick” (for lack of a better word) is where I live. Rural ranching mama. Only problem with that is I don’t have anything at all to do with the ranching part! We can go on some amazing walks and hikes in my backyard, but removed from that I could live in any suburban neighborhood in the US, if you looked at my daily routine. Minus the extra long time in the car, of course.

I was trying to find the angle, the thing I was supposed to share with readers, the benefit I could offer to people who stopped by my blog.

Honestly, I am still stumped.

I don’t have much wisdom to share because I feel like I am still in the trenches of learning. I just want to tell people to be gentle with themselves and each other, and there are only so many ways to say that.

I don’t have poetry to share because I am learning how to be a mama of three and not reading much poetry these days.

I don’t have projects to share because I can’t keep a routine of any sort right now.

My depression rears its ugly head at times, but most days I feel pretty settled and okay.

And then there is the fact that most of what is on my mind and heart lately feels too personal and controversial to share in this space.

  • Food and my shame about my weight for most of my life
  • How money has affected who I am and how I view life, going back to my childhood and continuing with our current situation
  • Wanting to withdraw from consumer culture as much as possible – ridding our lives of stuff rather than adding more
  • Looking ahead to the time when all of my babes are in school and trying to clear the brush from the path to see what I am meant to be doing then
  • Religion, spirituality, the divine feminine, poverty, wealth distribution…you know, light topics that no one would argue about :)

I am waking up and moving through each day as intentionally as I can. Noticing things I would like to change, but not making huge life makeover plans or beating myself up too much about my missteps.

Honestly, I tried to make this space and my writing very serious things. Things that could end up as a business for me, as moneymakers. But it felt like shoving a square peg into a round hole; the timing wasn’t right, or I wasn’t right, or something wasn’t right.

I want to keep sharing here, but I also want to be honest with you: I have no idea what you’ll read if you subscribe or check in regularly. There is no plan in my head of what to share or how to share it, but I am always happy and so grateful to see you are here with me.

11 Responses - Add Your Input!

Posted March 19, 2014 at 5:13 pm

Jenny, JWay or JDiggins, I can’t say I have read every blog of yours but I have read quite a few and I think you should just keep writing whatever the hell you feel like at the moment you sit down to do it. If authors could figure out what people wanted to read then we all would have missed out on some of the greatest literary works of all time. I am not sure if any of your blogs will rank up there but if they help you then you have to expect that they are going to help others who read them. I know I enjoy them from time to time if only to make me remember that we are all on this big blue marble together. You are an excellent writer and it is never boring to read well written English. Just my two cents or three.

    Posted March 19, 2014 at 8:26 pm

    Thank you so much, Reverend Jones, for still being here all these years later. It means more than you know!

Posted March 19, 2014 at 7:25 pm

Dearest Jenny…I have read every word of every blog post you’ve written. I have loved every single one of them. The depth of your writing blows us away, and we look forward to reading them. I only wish I could carve out more time to respond. Daily life is so difficult to communicate, but you do in a way one can smell, taste, see and almost feel it without being there. And, oh, how we wish to be there. But when we get there, we feel like we’ve been a part of your life all along. THANK YOU for sharing all that you do!

    Posted March 19, 2014 at 8:28 pm

    Thank you for this, sweet lady! Knowing you are reading motivates me to write more days than you would guess :) Thank you for being here, can’t wait to give you a big hug!

Posted March 20, 2014 at 4:12 am

I don’t write comments often but I must admit I wrote more comments to you than to anyone else. You just get to me. I suscribe to your blog on RSS feeds and by emails just to be sure I don’t miss a post. You get to me every single time. You write from the heart. And you write so well. I don’t need you to pick a subject and stick to it. Or maybe you already do, you picked one subject: life. How you see it, how you live it. And this is my dear what makes your blog so special. So please keep on writing as often as you can – oh I know how having a family and things to do can keep you away from your blog sometimes but this is also ok with me. Makes it even more a threat to read from you when you do write.
Thank you for being so honest with us in this post. That again is what makes you so special.

    Posted March 20, 2014 at 9:38 pm

    Oh, thank you so much, Angel! For being such a sweet support, and for taking the time to comment. You are renewing my faith in myself, thank you!

Posted March 25, 2014 at 11:45 pm

When I open one of your posts, I free myself from all sorts of expectations. I simply enjoy reading your words.

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Posted April 17, 2014 at 7:58 pm

Even caretakers of these children have to speak in English.
They did this with my wife to find out she is Filipino.
Apart from being a Filipino writer, he was also a statesman, politician
and jurist.

Posted April 17, 2014 at 11:18 pm

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I truly enjoy reading your blog and I look forward to your new updates.

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Posted April 19, 2014 at 8:10 am

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