So, this is my bliss today…

What’s your current bliss?

If you’re interested in checking out one of his books, you can find more about him (and them…and the Tao) here.

For now, a sample to enjoy. Be careful, it might blow your mind a little bit!

(The Tao blows my mind a LOT. i have to read and re-read…and then re-read again. The Tao of Pooh is an excellent place to start if your mind is easily blown, like mine…)

56. You Have Lessons to Learn

The lessons we most want to teach our children
are the ones we have not yet learned ourselves.
So we continually try to teach
what we do not know.

This is futile.
Try instead to refrain from talking.
Look carefully at the situation.
Listen attentively.
Let your mind be open to new understandings.
You will learn what you need to know.
And you will thus teach your children
how to learn their own lessons.

Nothing teaches children more
than a parent who is willing to learn.
What behavior in your children
makes you anxious?
What does that tell you
about yourself?

i’m tired, i want to see if the Giants or 49ers won, and i want to go to bed, too! So that is what i’m going to do. i’ll pick up with a good quote or two on Tuesday!

Hope you had a great weekend.

And yes, this is a totally gratuitous funny kid shot to somewhat make up for the lack of content in this post!

She wrote a great article called Don’t Carpe Diem that i think you should definitely read. You can find it here.

Don’t worry if the Chronos sometimes sucks – it does for all of us. The important thing is recognizing the Kairos moments when they come your way. Have a wonderful weekend!

Do you have clutter magnets in your house?

A couple of times a day, there will be complete silence, and i will turn to see the two of them building blocks. Or having a campout in the living room. Or snuggling on the couch. i try as best i can to enjoy those moments because they are often immediately followed by screaming, pushing, biting, manipulating, tattling or all of the above.

The moments when they simply love one another are so sweet, both because they are pretty rare and because they make me remember some of my best moments with Ben growing up.

They love carrying around our PowerShot and taking photos of one another, of Jeff and me, and of the house from their points of view. Below are a few of my favorites from this week.

What has been your latest blissful moment?

G: self-portrait

Viv: Mama (and Lucy Banana)

Viv: Daddy running

G: Viv on the attack (#1)

G: Viv on the attack (#2)

G: LIPS!

She has written two books: Momma Zen and Hand Wash Cold. Both books are in paperback, reasonably priced, and worth every penny!

That said, i am not here to sell books. (She also has a blog that’s free!)

i am here to share words that inspire me, over and over again. i read these to a friend on her last birthday, and then i realized i tend to give gifts that i need. Do you ever do that?

Anyway, here you go. Enjoy!

“I hear a lot about living in the moment. I hear about how and why and when, and how hard it is to live in the moment. The truth is, there is not a single person on this planet who is living anywhere but in the moment. It’s just not the moment we have in mind. The moment we aspire to live in is a different kind of moment, a better kind. A moment of solitude, perhaps, of quiet satisfaction, of thrilling accomplishment or satisfying retribution, of deep confidence and unshakable certainty, with children asleep and ducks lined up and ships come in and gravy, yes, that extra spoonful of gravy on top. That’s the moment we are waiting to relish.

In the same way that we misapprehend ‘the moment’ as any time but now, we misconstrue ‘the now’ as anyplace but here. Calling it ‘the’ now suggests a certain kind of now, a different now, a better, special-edition now that is attained by secret knowledge or effort.

It is the effort of lifting your eyelids.

No one has to master living in the now. It’s impossible to live anywhere else. Just as you can never leave now, no one will ever take away your past or withhold your future. Effortlessly, your past accumulates. Instantly, your future arrives. What matters is that you notice your life while you can still call it ‘alive.’ That’s now.
…
‘Now’ may not be all it’s cracked up to be, but the real problem with it, i suspect, is that we think it’s not enough.

I thought if I grew up, did my best, and made everyone proud of me, it would be enough. I thought if I got a good job, got a better job, made money, and then made even more money, it would be enough. I thought if I could lose ten pounds, get a better haircut, get the right jeans, then lose the same ten pounds, it would be enough. I thought if I could understand, explain, and express my feelings well enough, it would be enough. I thought if I wished, hoped, dared, or dreamed enough, then it would finally be enough.

Then i thought: enough.

I practice being enough. When I do that, everything is already enough, and this is the day I’ve been saving for.”

-Karen Maezen Miller, Hand Wash Cold

2. Exercise for no other reason than to lose weight.
This might sound strange. Very strange. But go with me here. If your only motivation for exercise is losing weight, it will work at first. But then you will miss a couple of days because that’s what happens in life, and the number on the scale won’t move. And you will get frustrated and probably stop exercising altogether. But if you have another motivation, chances are you’ll come back to it. And you’ll start all over if you have to, 15 minutes at a time. What is another motivation, you ask? Breaking a sweat. The endorphin rush when you’re finished. Feeling muscles you haven’t felt for years. Being strong and stable. Guilt-free latte every day. The stamina to run and play with your children. Pick something – there are more than you think!

3. Exercise to look like a photograph.
And by this, i mean ANY photograph. Including one of yourself from a few months or years ago. We all know that using magazine photos as motivation isn’t a good idea because the images are so manipulated. But many of us continue to look at old photographs of ourselves as goals to strive for. The problem is that life doesn’t move backward, especially when it comes to our bodies. It is just as hopeless to wish for your 18-year-old body as it is to wish for Halle Berry’s current one. Instead, start to imagine the best version of your current self. What could your body do NOW with a regular workout routine in place? Where could it take you if it was a bit leaner, a bit stronger, a bit more agile? What could you do with that body? THAT is the one you should think about.

4. Do the exercise you hate.
And don’t say, “i hate all exercise,” because that’s just not true. There has to be SOME sort of movement you love, something your body enjoys a little bit. (i mean BESIDES that, people – this is a family blog!) Hate running? What about walking? Walking is plenty. Or hiking – even better. i do not like lifting weights. i used to, but i think that was mainly because of the friends i was lifting with. But yoga? i love everything about yoga, and that works just as well for me right now when it comes to strength training. The exercise i love is a combination of jogging, yoga, hiking and swimming. It took me a long time to realize that; a long time to realize that the reason i never followed through on the exercise routines i created wasn’t a lack of willpower, it was just that i hadn’t found the right things for me yet. So take some time and think about it…what do you enjoy? And if you really can’t think of anything, do some exploring! There are many classes at gyms to choose from, all kinds of team sports for grown-ups, Crossfit is getting a ton of buzz right now, and yoga studios are everywhere. Have fun with it, and don’t get upset if you try something and don’t like it. Just try something else!

5. Read fitness magazines.
This one is connected to number 3, but once i stopped regularly reading the most popular fitness mags out there, i felt much better about exercise. Because it helped me turn my attention inward instead of outward. Instead of feeling like i should be doing THAT kind of exercise, buying THAT kind of gear or looking like THAT model, i was able to slow things down and focus on what really worked for me. Jeff now has a subscription to Runner’s World, and i usually like reading that, but sometimes i have to put it down, too. Because i find myself looking for too long at a model’s abs and wondering what it would be like to have a stomach like that. (i will NEVER have a stomach like that – i didn’t before i’d had a c-section, and i certainly won’t now!) When we read too many magazines, we stop seeing ourselves as we really are and instead only view our bodies in comparison to those in print. And that’s when we start setting some of those impossible, unreachable goals. And then we end up on the couch with our faces buried in ice cream instead of on the treadmill rocking out to a kickass playlist. How is that helpful?

There is so much to talk about when it comes to body image in our culture, but this is what has been on my mind lately. Because after a very slow year of start, stop and start again, i am finally enjoying exercise for the first time in a long time.

And let’s face it, we all know the truth: exercise is good for us. We weren’t made to sit around all the time and feel awful. We were made to move and be strong so we can fully explore the world around us. It’s just a matter of finding the way that doesn’t suck for each one of us, and realizing that our paths will be different, in this as in everything else.

i wasn’t nervous about the content, but rather the reaction some might have to what i’d written. Specifically, i worried that my issues might not seem serious enough.

This actually came up in one of my therapy sessions last fall. i cried, “There are WARS going on. Children are STARVING. People lose spouses and babies, and i hate getting out of bed in the morning because I DON’T LIKE MYSELF? That sounds absolutely ridiculous.”

Doc said, “You’re right. Sad, horrible things happen all over the world, every day. But this is sad, too.”

It might have been the kindest thing anyone has ever said to me.

Because it allowed me to breathe out what i was feeling instead of sucking it back in and tucking it away for later like i usually did. Once i was able to sit for a moment and acknowledge how sad i was, and that it was okay to be sad, the feeling dissipated a tiny bit.

i’m starting to understand that problems/issues/feelings are like small children. When you ignore them, they get louder, more insistent and increasingly relentless. When you face them and say, “i see you”…well, that’s when they turn around and find somewhere else to go!

Of course sometimes the feelings (and the children, haha) come back later, but with time you can work out a system of recognition that prevents complete meltdowns.

So here’s what i’ll leave you with this weekend: what troubles you matters.

Just because it might not measure up on a global scale doesn’t mean it’s not important. We wouldn’t say our children don’t matter because they are smaller than we are, right?

If you feel a wave of sadness, anger, or anxiety, sit for a moment and let yourself feel it. Don’t distract yourself, turn to the feeling and say, “i see you.”

Remember, Jesus said, “But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear ye not therefore, ye are of more value than many sparrows.” (Matthew 10:30-1). Everything in us simply wants to be acknowledged – even the sad, scared not-so-perfect parts.

And that’s what it’s going to be like here this year, friends. Zen on Tuesday, Jesus on Friday.

Have a wonderful weekend, be kind to yourself – especially the cranky 2-yr-old screaming in the corner!